거의 모든 부부가 공통적으로 문제 삼는, 즉 서로에게 따지는 일은 다음과 같은 것들이다. 누가 더 피곤한지, 난방 온도는 몇 도에 맞출 건지, 누가 누구 말을 더 잘못 알아듣는지 등.
아래는 결혼생활의 진상을 잘 설명하는 우스운 트윗 20개다.
How people watch movies when they’re:— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 3, 2018
DATING *hold hands*
MARRIED *one person turns the volume up while I choke on a piece of popcorn*
데이트 시절 : 손을 잡고 본다.
약혼 후: 포옹 자세로 본다.
결혼 후: 아내가 음량을 조절하는 동안 나는 목구멍에 걸린 팝콘과 싸운다.
Wife: I just want a bar where it's not very loud and the drinks are cheap and there aren't any other people.— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2018
Me: So you want to drink at home?
Wife: That sounds perfect.
나: 그럼 집에서 마실까?
아내: 좋은 생각이야.
Me texting husband at Target: They’re just tampons. Get the ones in the pink box on the top shelf.— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) November 8, 2018
My husband texting me at Home Depot: It’s just a socket wrench 3/4 hex right cosine the square root of 238 sudden death overtime. It has a black handle.
남편이 홈디포(집/장비/가전 대형마트)에 있는 나에게 보내는 문자: 3/4 헥스 코사인 238 제곱근 소켓 렌치면 돼. 손잡이가 까매.
When your wife of 26 years asks you how old you are. True love.— Bart (@jbmsoccerdad) October 30, 2018
Whenever my husband shows me affection and my dogs get jealous, I have to tell them that they are my true loves and he means nothing to me.— Stacey (@skittle624) November 3, 2018
On a scale of one-to-seeing-your-husband-napping, how annoyed are you?— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 6, 2018
[sitting at a table]— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 9, 2018
Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number
아내: 종이에 번호를 쓰더니 내게 건넨다.
나: 아내가 적은 번호를 지우고 새로운 번호를 제시한다.
*난방 온도 협상*
Marriage...because I love getting yelled at for leaving a light on and for turning a light off.— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) November 4, 2018
A married couple with no kids just asked my wife and I to go out for drinks at 9:30 tonight.— Dan (@dadopotamus) November 3, 2018
They did it with a straight face too.
농담하는 게 아니었다.
Can’t, I’m in big trouble with the wife. She asked me to pick up some grated parmesan but I got shredded parmesan.— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) November 5, 2018
Can't wait for my husband to get home from work so we can have our traditional passive aggressive war about who has more reasons to be tired.— Elisabeth. (@YourMomsucksTho) November 6, 2018
Wife: You're so childish. I'm leaving you.— Ian Sausage (@stephenjmolloy) October 3, 2018
Me: Good luck with that. The floor is lava.
나: 잘 해보시라고. 바닥은 용암이거든.
It doesn't matter what I'm complaining about, my husband's solution is always, "We'll both feel better if you take your bra off."— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 29, 2018
Wife: [eyes me suspiciously] have you been using my shampoo and conditioner again?— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) August 4, 2018
Me: [brushing my volumized, shiny, tangle-free, plumeria & jasmine smelling hair] no.
나: [플루메리아와 재스민 향으로 가득한 부드러운 내 눈부신 머릿결을 쓰다듬으며] 아니.
I mainly got married so I can have someone answer the door when the take-out comes.— Nonchalant Charlotte (@jellybnbonanza) November 7, 2018
[newly-weds]— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 7, 2018
Me: I love you.
Him: I love you more.
[married 10 years]
Him: *farts longer*
남편: 내가 더 사랑해.
[결혼 10년 차]
남편: *더 길게 방귀*
Daughter: I want some of your coffee!!!— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) September 23, 2018
Me: Not if you ask like that! Grumpy girls don’t get coffee.
Husband: *from the other room* OH, is that so!?
나: 그렇게 말하면 못 줘! 짜증 내는 소녀에게는 커피를 가져다줄 수 없어.
남편: [옆방에서] 그래? 그 말 진심이야!?
I have to apologize to my wife for being able to sleep on a plane because she can't.— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 7, 2018
I’ve never been a morning person, but since the husband leaves for work at 5:45am, I’m out of bed every day at 5:46 jacking up the thermostat.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 9, 2018
Marriage: lost things edition— AnxiousMomma (@anxiousmommaof2) October 10, 2018
Husband loses something, wife searches entire house looking for item
Wife loses something, husband scans his field of vision from the couch and yells “it’s not in here”
남편이 뭘 잃어버렸을 경우 아내는 온 집안을 돌아다니며 찾는다.
아내가 뭘 잃어버렸을 경우 남편은 소파에 앉은 채로 고개를 한번 빙 돌리고 나선 "여기엔 없어"라고 말한다.
*허프포스트US의 글을 번역, 편집한 것입니다.